30. March 2013 – Koh Phangan, Thailand
The first time I woke up today was because somebody covered my body with a blanket. I smiled and feel asleep again. When I then later opened my eyes, I saw the ocean lying just in front of me. It seemed that Koh Samui waved at me. With a happy smile, again, I fell asleep. The third time I woke up this morning I found a lovely prepared Thai breakfast on the table next to me. It was sticky rice carefully wrapped in some colourful leaves, eggs and some rice soup. I just sat there and watched the sea quietly moving when Num pointed at the food on the table. “You eat!”, he said.
I’m on Koh Phangan, Thailand. I have finally arrived at the place where I want to be.
Let’s start at the beginning. When I arrived in Bangkok the thing that kept me most busy was the heat. It’s not hotter than Kampala but it’s a different kind of heat. Uganda was hot too but very dry and dusty. I somehow always felt dirty or wanted to clean myself. Here in Thailand it’s a tropical heat with very high humidity so that your clothes stick to your body almost all the time. It’s a sexy heat, I think. The bodies of all the people here are always kind of shimmering because of all the sweat and sunscreen. In addition to that people in Thailand, especially the tourists, are actually walking around showing a lot of skin. I enjoy that. Here it just doesn’t matter how you look like. You are just here.
You think you might be lonely when you’re traveling alone. But you are never alone and not easily get the chance to be lonely. There are people everywhere who are in the same situation as you. They are looking for something. Some of them have a question and need an answer, some are still looking for their question to ask. But people travel for many different reasons. Of course many of them come to Thailand to only enjoy the big parties, get wasted and have lots of sex. Others will enjoy a quiet beach or do some meditation. Again others might enjoy a mix of all of this.
Nothing is easier than to start a conversation in Thailand. You just go over and say “hi!”. Suddenly you will find yourself in a group of people who come from all around the world. Then you sit there, on the floor of crazy Khao San Road and you talk about the places you’ve been to and the things that you’ve seen. Some of the people you´re with have been traveling for many years, coming from France, lived in Australia, worked in India… others are on a world trip for some months, just like me. Proudly people present their tattoos that they have collected over the past years at many different places while we all play with some of Bangkok´s street dogs.
I enjoy meeting new people, I love going to parties and dance around in the light of the moon. My next goal is to find a balance between exactly that and calm thinking and meditating.
What I have to do first, I think, is to block all negative energy, and distance myself from all people who might stress me in any way. I don’t want to make decisions. I don’t want to have to do anything at all. I´m so far away from my life in Austria, from my friends… I can’t really get myself to think about it much because I’m so busy with myself at the moment. I have no idea what day we have today or what time it is. The good thing is that it just doesn’t matter at all. I just want to be at some peaceful place on the beach, on a hill, wherever, where I can take time to think about things without considering anyone’s needs but my own. What do I want in life? What do I need? Koh Phangan is the best place to be confused at the beginning and to ask these questions to clear the mind.
There is only one thing I definitely know I need at the moment and that´s writing. I’m writing a lot while I’m traveling. This is an opportunity to put my feelings down in words and share it with people. I also have my diary which I only keep to myself. But maybe this blog might interest someone or maybe even help people to … I don’t know. Maybe just get the fuck out of where they are at the moment or get some new ideas. And if nobody reads it, it’s alright, I will at least have put my feelings down in words.
Soon I’ll write more about where I’m staying and about some great people I’ve met so far… but for now, as I just said, I just need time for myself.
(this post was imported from my former travel blog)